The sweetness and injustice of motherhood

I love being a mom. I've learned and understand many things in this brief period. I would like to share some now.

10 things I have learned about motherhood:
-Moms have super powers, like mind reading and super strength.
-Moms get more done in a couple of hours than most people do in a day; and sometimes they don't.
-It's not always fair that daddy can take a nap and mommy can't.
-Moms know everything, or at least it seems that way, and if they don't they make it up.
-Even if the baby could talk she still couldn't tell you what was wrong.
-When people offer you help (and they will) take it!
-Friends are God's way of saying, "I understand, here's some help."
-Great moms could do it better with help from great dads.
-It doesn't matter that you can't sleep, you can still function.
-Moms are magical creatures that whose kisses make everything better.

The Final Frontier

This post is long overdue.

On May 1, 2009, Megan Kaylynn Bushman officially and legally became the daughter of Kevin and Frances Bushman. What a happy day that was. Our attorney, Margherita, was so helpful and supportive throughout the whole process. She kept us constantly in the loop and was very thorough in her explanation of things.

The whole thing was so brief. We walked into the courtroom and answered questions before the nicest judge I had ever met. I think our wait time was longer than the actual proceeding. And before we knew it, it was done; she was ours.

I've spent the last few months worrying so much about how everyone else felt and would feel about this situation and never one stopped to think about how I would feel. I never thought that I would have doubts and second thoughts about it when I saw my sister-in-law break down. I never stopped to think about the fact that I would have to accept her as my daughter and learn to be her mother just like she would have to learn that I was her mother.

There certainly are feelings of inadequacy and insecurity that go along with adopting. I didn't get to carry my daughter and start getting to know her for 9 months. I didn't get to feel her inside of me. She didn't get to know my voice or my smell or my movements. All of these things were foreign to her, although I think she's picked up on them very quickly. However, I'm learning and earning the role of mother. I understand, now, my divine role as such. I am humbled because nothing I do is for me anymore. Everything is now about her and her well-being. My little angel who came to us fresh from heaven.

Hiccups

When Megan started taking formula from a bottle she would get the hiccups. Actually, it happened every time my husband fed her which I thought was hysterical. He thought it was pretty funny, too. She sounded like a squeak toy-it was cute. She is almost 6 weeks old now and she still gets the hiccups, but not nearly as often. In the hospital, the nurse told us that they bothered us more than they bothered her and that she could sleep right through them. She was right. Little Megan would sometimes hiccup her way to dreamland. Which brings me to wonder: at what point do we learn to be bothered by the hiccups?

A few nights ago Megan got the hiccups again. She was starting to drift off and I thought nothing of it because of my previous hiccup training. I noticed, though, that she wasn't falling right off to sleep. Her tummy was full and her bottom was clean, and I know she was tired, but she kept getting woken up by this strange, sudden expulsion of air that came out with a cute, little squeak noise. Every time time it happened her eyes would open slightly. I don't know if out of annoyance or surprise, but they definitely kept her from her dreams.

Why after 5 weeks of happy hiccups was she suddenly annoyed by them? When did she learn that they bothered her? At what point do we decide that something bothers us? I think the answer is in our natures. I think we just figure out what we like and don't like. No one necessarily has to tell us that we like something. Oh sure, we can be influenced to like something, or for something not to bother us. We can learn to like something, or dislike it. We can even learn to sleep through the hiccups.

My nearly 6 week old baby is learning these things. She is still amazing. She is learning that her mama's kiss can make her feel better. She is learning that sleeping on bosoms is much nicer than her bassinet. She is learning that when she cries mama or daddy will come to her rescue (we've learned the "I need you" cry). She has also learned to control her hiccups.

A New Reality

I am amazed every time I look at my little girl. What amazes me is that she's my little girl. I look at her sweet little face and gently put my hand on her (mostly to make sure she's still breathing). She is just amazing. I can't help but think about all of the sacrifices that were made for her to be in our family. It is difficult not to acknowledge the hand of God in all of this. I see the promise of the Lord made in Malachi for those who pay their tithes: that the windows of heaven will be open and there shall not be room enough to receive them (blessings). I see it as I look around our tiny apartment. I can't find my dining table and I love it!

After two weeks in the hospital our little one came home. She came home last night after a couple of pleasant hours at the hospital with the nurses and our attorney finishing up some legal stuff. I tried to just take it all in stride and be patient. I bathed her and fed her and then Kevin got there and my mother and sister-in-law. We took pictures and talked; it was nice.

The first night was definitely hard. I have to say, though, that I have never been more pleased to be up at 2:30 in the morning. To be able to comfort your child is an indescribable joy. I think the joy comes in believing that I don't upset her. The 6am feeding was a little more difficult, but even that we got through without too much fuss.

I was concerned, at first, that I wouldn't be able to bond with Megan as quickly because I wasn't her birth mother. I didn't carry her; I didn't birth her. I don't have that connection with her the way her birth mother does. As I visited the hospital frequently, I realized that my worries were unfounded. She recognizes my voice; she knows my touch and my smell, and these things comfort her because they are familiar in an unfamiliar place. Adopted moms are still moms. They just get their babies a little differently than biological moms. The instinct, however, is still the same. The desire is the same. The bond will be a little different, but no less strong.

I am beginning to understand a lot of things about being a mom. The most important thing I learned today is that parenting is easier with a spouse. We figured out that the best way to take care of our child is through the sharing of ideas and dads have just as many good ones as moms. Parenting is a collaborative effort.

The Trial

I've never blogged before because I've never really had a reason to. I mean, why blog when you can journal, right? Journaling is so much more personal. Who wants to hang their dirty laundry all over cyberspace? Or, who really wants to see it?

I guess I wanted to started this because I've had such an amazing, life-altering experience and I want to share my thoughts with the world. I first have to compile my own thoughts into legible material in my brain. Right now they are just highlighted blurbs of information that I want to share. If I tried to translate it directly from my brain it wouldn't make sense to anyone.

I really felt the need to share the experience I had in adopting our daughter, Megan. It's been quite the emotional journey already, and we haven't really started yet.