Milestones

Megan will be 6 months old tomorrow. The time has flown by. These last two weeks, though, have seemed to be particularly busy (developmentally) for our little one. She broke her first tooth, learned to sit by herself, rolls over from front to back, grabs for things (she started reaching up today), and had her first real laugh when she was tickled. All this happened in the last 2 weeks. It's amazing. I've so worried about her being behind because she was a preemie, but she has caught up.

We had our 6-month check up today and she got another round of shots. She doesn't like those much but she handles them like a trooper. She weighs 17 lbs and is 25 in. long. Her favorite toy are these plastic chain links that are easy to grab and are just the right bite size for her. Her favorite game is the horsey game where I sit on the floor and straddle her across my leg and she can bounce up and down. She absolutely loves it. Oh, and she loves the pool, too.

All of the help and advice I've received from friends and family has been absolutely invaluable. My husband has done a great job, too. She now recognizes both of us even from across the room. She is still as social as ever and will giggle and play with just about anyone. She even tries to imitate other babies' movements. She's just growing so fast I can hardly stand it. Pretty soon she'll be crawling around and getting into trouble. My little baby is growing.

It has been difficult to put into words just how I feel about her. I love her so much. I can't imagine life without her now. I'm grateful that she is ours forever.

First Tooth

Megan has learned that she can scream. It's exacerbating the screams. It makes people crazy. Well, today we discovered what we think is the cause. At least I hope that it's the cause and the screaming will calm down.

She was chewing on my friend Eliza's finger when Eliza said she felt something sharp. I looked and, sure enough, there it was. Her first tooth.

I love my little girl more than I can express. It's so hard to watch her become a big girl. I know she still has a long way to go, but it feels like it's just passing me by. I know that Kevin and I will have more babies, but that's not the point. I want to enjoy this baby. I'm so grateful that I stay at home. Even though I get to spend all this time with her it still seems to fly by. So from now on I am going to try harder to enjoy her even more.

The Magic of Mom

I've discovered something about myself. I've discovered that I have magical powers. I can soothe a crying baby simply by whispering in her ear, "mommy's here." It's the most amazing thing I've ever seen. Of course, it doesn't always work, but something always does and I'm usually the one to do it. I amaze myself sometimes because I just seem to know what to do. It's really quite remarkable. I've baffled my husband on several occasions, although I must say that he's pretty magical himself sometimes.

My baby is nearly 4 months old and is becoming increasingly aware of the world around her. She's starting to focus more and she laughs and giggles and just has the prettiest smile. She recognizes my voice and she knows me by sight. She's very social and loves to be around people (especially young people). She almost sounds like she's talking when she makes sounds. I know they're just arbitrary sounds, but I swear sometimes it sounds like she can say "ma", "daddy", and "hungry." My mom thinks she say "Abu" (short for abuela). My prediction is that Megan will be an early talker.

We had a doctor's appointment today. Megan is officially caught up with her height and weight. She's in the 50 percentile for both. I'm so proud of her. The doctor said we can start her on solid food, too. We have to start with rice cereal and once she gets used to eating with a spoon and the thicker consistency, then we can start her on other cereals and phase 1 fruits and vegetables.

My little baby is getting big. I can hardly believe it. She gets stronger every day and learns and discovers something new everyday. She's still my baby, though. I can understand why people hesitate to have more children. I wonder how in the world I can love another baby like I love Megan. Then again, I can't imagine not having more. I just love being a mom. I love that I know how to soothe my baby and make her laugh. I love that she makes me a better person. I appreciate life so much more. I can come home after being at rehearsal or class and she just makes life better. She makes the world a better place.

And there she is now...

Out of this world

I never could have imagined the love that I feel for this new little being in our home. It's just amazing.

It's incredible how the Lord has blessed me with patience and wisdom to care for her. Our lives are all about her these days. She is just so sweet.

Now that she is sealed to us for time and all eternity I feel a completeness in our family. She's ours forever. My husband and I are so happy. There's a new dimension to our relationship and such a joy in our home. I think she feels closer to us, too.

She's just amazing.

First Turnover

My daughter is 2 months old tomorrow. Today she turned over for the first time. I could hardly believe it. I went into her room to check on her because I heard her cry and I know that I put her face down. When I went in, though, I found her face up. She's so beautiful. She gets more beautiful every day.

I can't believe I'm part of that elite group of women called "mom." I love my daughter so much it makes me want to cry. She's growing so fast and i want to enjoy every moment I can with her. Ahh... it's a good life.

The sweetness and injustice of motherhood

I love being a mom. I've learned and understand many things in this brief period. I would like to share some now.

10 things I have learned about motherhood:
-Moms have super powers, like mind reading and super strength.
-Moms get more done in a couple of hours than most people do in a day; and sometimes they don't.
-It's not always fair that daddy can take a nap and mommy can't.
-Moms know everything, or at least it seems that way, and if they don't they make it up.
-Even if the baby could talk she still couldn't tell you what was wrong.
-When people offer you help (and they will) take it!
-Friends are God's way of saying, "I understand, here's some help."
-Great moms could do it better with help from great dads.
-It doesn't matter that you can't sleep, you can still function.
-Moms are magical creatures that whose kisses make everything better.

The Final Frontier

This post is long overdue.

On May 1, 2009, Megan Kaylynn Bushman officially and legally became the daughter of Kevin and Frances Bushman. What a happy day that was. Our attorney, Margherita, was so helpful and supportive throughout the whole process. She kept us constantly in the loop and was very thorough in her explanation of things.

The whole thing was so brief. We walked into the courtroom and answered questions before the nicest judge I had ever met. I think our wait time was longer than the actual proceeding. And before we knew it, it was done; she was ours.

I've spent the last few months worrying so much about how everyone else felt and would feel about this situation and never one stopped to think about how I would feel. I never thought that I would have doubts and second thoughts about it when I saw my sister-in-law break down. I never stopped to think about the fact that I would have to accept her as my daughter and learn to be her mother just like she would have to learn that I was her mother.

There certainly are feelings of inadequacy and insecurity that go along with adopting. I didn't get to carry my daughter and start getting to know her for 9 months. I didn't get to feel her inside of me. She didn't get to know my voice or my smell or my movements. All of these things were foreign to her, although I think she's picked up on them very quickly. However, I'm learning and earning the role of mother. I understand, now, my divine role as such. I am humbled because nothing I do is for me anymore. Everything is now about her and her well-being. My little angel who came to us fresh from heaven.

Hiccups

When Megan started taking formula from a bottle she would get the hiccups. Actually, it happened every time my husband fed her which I thought was hysterical. He thought it was pretty funny, too. She sounded like a squeak toy-it was cute. She is almost 6 weeks old now and she still gets the hiccups, but not nearly as often. In the hospital, the nurse told us that they bothered us more than they bothered her and that she could sleep right through them. She was right. Little Megan would sometimes hiccup her way to dreamland. Which brings me to wonder: at what point do we learn to be bothered by the hiccups?

A few nights ago Megan got the hiccups again. She was starting to drift off and I thought nothing of it because of my previous hiccup training. I noticed, though, that she wasn't falling right off to sleep. Her tummy was full and her bottom was clean, and I know she was tired, but she kept getting woken up by this strange, sudden expulsion of air that came out with a cute, little squeak noise. Every time time it happened her eyes would open slightly. I don't know if out of annoyance or surprise, but they definitely kept her from her dreams.

Why after 5 weeks of happy hiccups was she suddenly annoyed by them? When did she learn that they bothered her? At what point do we decide that something bothers us? I think the answer is in our natures. I think we just figure out what we like and don't like. No one necessarily has to tell us that we like something. Oh sure, we can be influenced to like something, or for something not to bother us. We can learn to like something, or dislike it. We can even learn to sleep through the hiccups.

My nearly 6 week old baby is learning these things. She is still amazing. She is learning that her mama's kiss can make her feel better. She is learning that sleeping on bosoms is much nicer than her bassinet. She is learning that when she cries mama or daddy will come to her rescue (we've learned the "I need you" cry). She has also learned to control her hiccups.

A New Reality

I am amazed every time I look at my little girl. What amazes me is that she's my little girl. I look at her sweet little face and gently put my hand on her (mostly to make sure she's still breathing). She is just amazing. I can't help but think about all of the sacrifices that were made for her to be in our family. It is difficult not to acknowledge the hand of God in all of this. I see the promise of the Lord made in Malachi for those who pay their tithes: that the windows of heaven will be open and there shall not be room enough to receive them (blessings). I see it as I look around our tiny apartment. I can't find my dining table and I love it!

After two weeks in the hospital our little one came home. She came home last night after a couple of pleasant hours at the hospital with the nurses and our attorney finishing up some legal stuff. I tried to just take it all in stride and be patient. I bathed her and fed her and then Kevin got there and my mother and sister-in-law. We took pictures and talked; it was nice.

The first night was definitely hard. I have to say, though, that I have never been more pleased to be up at 2:30 in the morning. To be able to comfort your child is an indescribable joy. I think the joy comes in believing that I don't upset her. The 6am feeding was a little more difficult, but even that we got through without too much fuss.

I was concerned, at first, that I wouldn't be able to bond with Megan as quickly because I wasn't her birth mother. I didn't carry her; I didn't birth her. I don't have that connection with her the way her birth mother does. As I visited the hospital frequently, I realized that my worries were unfounded. She recognizes my voice; she knows my touch and my smell, and these things comfort her because they are familiar in an unfamiliar place. Adopted moms are still moms. They just get their babies a little differently than biological moms. The instinct, however, is still the same. The desire is the same. The bond will be a little different, but no less strong.

I am beginning to understand a lot of things about being a mom. The most important thing I learned today is that parenting is easier with a spouse. We figured out that the best way to take care of our child is through the sharing of ideas and dads have just as many good ones as moms. Parenting is a collaborative effort.

The Trial

I've never blogged before because I've never really had a reason to. I mean, why blog when you can journal, right? Journaling is so much more personal. Who wants to hang their dirty laundry all over cyberspace? Or, who really wants to see it?

I guess I wanted to started this because I've had such an amazing, life-altering experience and I want to share my thoughts with the world. I first have to compile my own thoughts into legible material in my brain. Right now they are just highlighted blurbs of information that I want to share. If I tried to translate it directly from my brain it wouldn't make sense to anyone.

I really felt the need to share the experience I had in adopting our daughter, Megan. It's been quite the emotional journey already, and we haven't really started yet.